5 Things That Change When You’re A New Mommy.

I’ve been pondering about drafting this post from the past few days. I mean, I could be all knavish and go on to say, “Oh! Jolly Jelly Beans. Motherhood is the most satisfying thing ever. I’ve just borne a best friend for life. ” 

But, no, I wouldn’t indulge in such pettifoggery and mislead you from the things that will change. Well, Forever!! 

Here are my 5 most favourite/ unfavourable things: 

1. Sleep, will be an ex who you remember with a sad smile: 

You really shouldn’t have treated it, with so much ingratitude. How, you used to decide, when you’d wanna sleep or how you would just hit the pillow & call it a day. Remember, those hibernating naps, where you would sleep for 12-13 hours straight? Good ole days😢😢 Now, your baby decides when you sleep or rather, when he wants to sleep. If you thought, you were a free spirit not bound by rules. Then, you oughta see your baby’s feeding whims. He loves surprising Mommy with 4 a.m. cries. Darling! Welcome to the real “Hunger Games “

  

2. You will never be blessed with peaceful, romantic & carefree dates : 

D’oh!! Who said you would ever have a romantic & a carefree date? Let’s say, you filch a few hours from your baby time & hire a babysitter or just plop your baby at the Grandma’s toasty place. You & your partner, have reservations at the restaurant of your dreams. You order your courses & just when you start feeling the vibe. The phone rings!! “Honey! The baby misses you.” & you hear that wail, like a death knell 😢😢 If, it isn’t during the meal, then it surely will be at the time, you guys decide to have a long, breezy drive. 

And, if your baby comes along with you.. Then, oh well!! It isn’t a date, is it? Muhahhhahaha 😈😈😒😒

  

3. Your fancy Gucci, Dior, & MK purses are replaced by Petunia,  Storksak & BabyCargo diaper bags: 

Gosh! Even those names make me cringe. If, having a baby & his spittle on your shoulder wasn’t enough, now, you need to fashion revamp yourself. Big, floral/block, multi zippered bags filled with diapers, bottom butters, binkys, feed,etc.. is the way of life. Girl!! Your bag, is your identity. It doubles up as, a huge invisible placard that says, ” I’m a new mommy. Don’t mess with me. I’m the human version of Godzilla. I’m grumpy, irritated & exhausted. I need a Gucci more than ever now, but all I get is a diaper bag.” 

  

I feel you girl. Just another 5 years & then you can get your Gucci. Amen! 

4. Going to the Bathroom & having a 2 hour luxury soak with rose petals, bath bombs.. Stop!! :

Well, that’s a thingamaflip of history. It’s been 3 years since I had one. Your child, will miraculously need you the most, when you need some luxury time. When you decide, to pamper yourself with some much needed soak, your baby doesn’t think you deserve that. 10 minute showers are the trend these days. Once your baby is a toddler, rest assured that he’s gonna follow you & ask you, “What you doing inside?” atleast a 100 times in 10 minutes. 

  

5. Your shopping hauls will be filled with the cute A/W collection booties, diapers, toys and all that :

Remember, the last time you shopped selfishly just for yourself? Not anymore. It’s shopping haul for the baby too! More shopping goals & more financial oopsies now! 

“YOU spent $100 on stupid designer shoes for the baby, which he clearly won’t wear for more than 6 months?”, shouts the husband. 

Well, mommy! You’re learning. You’ll get the hang of it. Slowly, you’ll make wise decisions like spending $100 on toys? He won’t outgrow that in 6 months, will he?

Nope!! He’ll get over it, within a span of a week 😱

Now, I have a bonus one for you, Mommy! 

6. Your Playlist & Phones will be filled with “Wheels on the bus” kinda songs & “Baby Hazel” games: 

Yes! You heard me right! Your playlist will have annoying voices, blaring about “little boy blue, Jack Horner & London Bridge” on the damn loop. Then, your phones will start using those free MB’s to fill it with “Counting, Colouring & ABC” apps. This starts with a necessity to keep your toddler shut at the doctors, then you decide to keep him shut at the restaurant, mall, salon & every other place you take him along. 

  

Well, we all are ninjas on alert. We do need our inventories to be well stocked. 

Things will eventually get better and life won’t get back to normal pre baby days, but you’ll learn the art of making this a normalcy. Super proud of all the mommies. 

Welcome to motherhood mommy!! Have a great time here. 

P.S: All images have been sourced from http://www.google.com & are the sole right of the owner. These are not mine to credit. They have been used only for reference purposes. 

How to give yourself some hypertension?

Hey peeps, I’ve been busy tizzy with a wedding at home & also, I had miraculously found myself sinking into the depths of a liquid diet. 

It just started outta the blue, I couldn’t breathe, I cramped near the shoulder blades, I couldn’t eat without this sharp searing pain, I couldn’t drink water either & if I slept.. It was a hellish hole of an experience.

Turns out, I was hypertensed. I, refuted my GP’s claim by rolling my eyes like they were rolling pins on a mission to make 50 flatbreads in 60 seconds.

 “Me? Hypertension? Absolutely not. I will have none of that mind manipulating load of cacophony.” I, argued pretty bitterly.

And my GP couldn’t care any lesser. If, I was a rolling pin.. My GP was a rolling launch of verbal medical diarrhoea. He just didn’t seem to care. The lethargy 😱😱 

“Just some hypertension, which could’ve been due to physical or emotional stress. I’m guessing your epigastrium is a problem here, you might have GERD going on or maybe it’s just esophagitis. These are the doses, must be fine within a week & if not, then we need to carry on a few crucial tests. Till then, you’re on a purely liquid diet”

You, loony balloony doctor!! That statement, gave me hypertension then & there. Hypertension, because apparently, my anniversary was just 2 days after that dreaded announcement. 

I’m a little fine tuned to insomnia, graveyard shifts & direct lunches. So, really.. I have nothing, as in nothing to worry about. But, the seed was sowed in deep. 

Crucial tests?? What kinda crucial tests? 

Being the psycho i was born, my first thought went to the fact, that.. What if I never recovered? What if I was bound to never breathe normal again? What have I achieved in my life? What if I’m never gonna get my hands on a walking stick? 

I, had to take this in my own hands.. I had to find out what I had. I, needed a second opinion. For the GP, I’m just another case, but for me.. I’m the only case of life. 

So, I wiped my tears & those frown lines & got myself ready for a second opinion. I switched on my IPhone & went straight to the most reliable second opinion within seconds.. “GOOGLE”. 

If, I was hypertensed because of what the GP said.. Now I was super duper, hyper-dyper tensed because of what these online medical sites wrote. All & almost all of them, were convinced, that, I had esophagal cancer. And, I dearly wished… At that time that, GERD or esophagitis was so much more lucrative, anyday. 

All, I could think of was.. Never being able to see my son have kids!! 😭😭 I had to think far.. What if, the hubster remarried & got home a horrible “Hansel- Gretel” kinda stepmum? What if, this & what if that.. 

For 5 nights in a row, I did so much research on esophagal cancer, that I can now, just do a thesis on it & bag the prize. 

The anniversary lunch went in bed (ill on bed, I mean) with some soup & a family dinner in the evening, with me eating little bits of bread & soup. What a way, to celebrate our anniversary.. Our plans for the “Koh Samui” trip flopped & we had to cancel everything, but atleast I was alive! 😢😢

On the 6th day, just as uninvited the pain came, it left ever so quietly.. I could breathe normally, drink water without any pain & eat just about anything. The curse was broken, I was freeeee… I didn’t really need a crucial test & nor did I need a second visit to the GP. 

For some reason, I realised how important that episode was. It seemed like, here I was cribbing about how, I haven’t upgraded my makeup stash from the past 9 months & the next moment, I was humbled that atleast I had some life left. 

It screwed my anniversary & my plans, but taught me the most important lesson of my life.. “Love & appreciate what you have”. Those 5 days were hell, but it changed the way, I perceived everything. 

I don’t make “New Year Resolutions”, but this time, I’m making one. 

“Appreciate the Gifts I have, other things will happen on their own”

*also to upgrade that makeup stash, get creme de la mer, do a shopping haul from Harrods, Beauty workshop, Primark & Poundland soon.. It doesn’t have to be expensive all the time.

**make sure, I do that trip no matter what. 

• Btw..women will always be women, no matter what!!

Happy New Year my lovelies!! What resolutions do you have in store??😁😁😁❤️❤️

How I lost weight.. My success story. 

Ok guys… I lost a whopping 5 kilos in the last 3 months,and I’m not interested in finding them again. This is one thing I’d absolutely love to abandon.. The pounds,ounces and kilos. They sound so dreaded,almost like a bag full of leaping froggies and toads. Not the ” Kermit” kinds,but the ugly puddle and pond toads kinds. On the contrary, they aren’t even half as scary as the extra pounds.What I dread are the airports…  I’m always dreading them because,I might end up paying for extra baggage on myself. 😂😂😂

 ” Hey you!! Yeah you.. Stop rolling your eyes please. Thank you” 😳😳

Back to the point… I’ve discovered, the most foolproof plan to lose weight at the drop of the hat.. Well fedoras and hamburgs and berets also count. I noticed that I just needed a few things and a strict disciplinary measure,to keep myself motivated and in the loop. By the end of 3 months,I found myself to be 5 kilos lighter. 

Here’s a list of all that you really ever need,in your weight loss journey: 

  • A Yoga mat
  • A stability physio ball
  • A pair of plastic Dumbbells
  • A jump rope

Trust me when I say this.. this is all that I bought for myself to lose some weight and not peace of my mind.

I’m going to explain each use of the above equipments in detail. So please snuggle back and relax,while I give you the wisdom of the millennials. 

  • The Yoga Mat : This was the first and the most foremost investment I did. Well actually,I bought all those things together at one go. But,my eyes fell on the yoga mat first. I know how important the yoga mat is, it’s your personal space while working out,giving you the cushiony feel while you exercise. I used to start with lying down on my back straight. Make sure that you meditate before the exercise. Just 5 minutes.. Think of how you would see yourself in a year from now& all such motivational thoughts. I,in particular would do it for 2 minutes and then find my son jumping on my stomach playing horsey… ” DUDE.. ARHAM, MOMMY IS IN A TRANSITIONAL PHASE.. She’s becoming beautiful” but the nagging would continue and I’d leave it at 2 minutes and progress to the next one. Who needs meditation anyways??

  

  • Stability Physio Ball: One of the most versatile equipments and a must have for home gyms. Even if you don’t wanna invest much,the stability ball doubles up as an all round core training aid. Targeted at all chest,abdominal and spine muscles,this is the most inexpensive way to get fit.. 

Start with standing straight.. And with a straight back seat yourself on the ball squatting,then…. **PLONK!! ** 

  

“ARHAAAAM, MOMMY IS EXERCISING.. THIS ISNT FOOTBALL”  Sees her LO playing with it and after a lot of ” It’s mine” monologue, gives in and passes on the ball to the LO..  Stability balls are ok.. Dumbbells are the real deal. 

  • The plastic dumbbell: Errr… I’m glad you’re still sticking around for more. This is the real place where you tone up and lose weight. Buy some suitable weight Dumbbells, they are gonna be your best friends in your journey. 

  

Legs shoulder width apart, slightly curve your back and pick the Dumbbells off the floor,without bending your knees. Now,slowly lift them to your….. * OUCCCCHHH!! * Arham finds mommy funny and throws a dumbbell at her feet. The dumbbell stubs her toe. Prancing like the mad hatter, mommy cries..

  

Limping, mommy thinks about the benefits of the jump rope. 

  • Lastly, the Jump rope: Don’t be fooled at the inexpensiveness of the jump rope. Let me tell you that the jump rope is an exquisite piece of an equipment. It buttonholes your weight and demands it to vacate your body. Targeted at a complete body workout,jump rope is the best thing ever. Period.

Hold the rope in your hands and start skipping at every round of rope. You need to do at least a 50. 

This is how you do it,….. 

  

After round 13… Arham tries joining in, and Mommy trips & is a mess.

  

 LO holds the rope and starts a ” Tug-o-war” with mommy. 15 minutes later,after all the jumping and snatching and shouting… Arham gives the jumping rope. Mommy folds it neatly,packs into the box and stares…

Mommy feels letdown.. Maybe,home gymming isn’t my thing. 

You see,it’s only after all this I realised that my weight was dropping,not because of the fancy-shmancy stuffs,but because of the maintenance that comes along with a baby in his ” TERRIBLE TWO’s”. The Running,the yelling,the playing,the picking up of toys and picking the LO up,the tantrums,the cooking,the random night bawlings,the invasive sleep periods,the showers,the bath soaks,the activity times and getting ready for activity times. Well,you see.. That’s how I lost weight,by being a “Mom” and also with some cups of green tea. 

As for the purchases I made… The yoga mat is LO’s play mat,the stability ball is LO’s substitute for football,the Dumbbells have a better use now as paperweights and the jump rope??? Why it’s a makeshift fastener for the huge carton filled with books.

There isn’t any job as strenuous and as daunting as that of a mother. I,have domestic help and my mum to help me out. I only wonder in awe,how mummy raised us all on her own in a country that wasn’t hers. 

She was ever so fearless and made sure we had the best.. Dear mummy.. I love you,I love you for all those nights I kept you awake and for all those days I kept you busy. 

So,for all of you wanting to lose weight.. Get a baby.. That’s the secret,the foolproof plan😁😁


P.s: I do not advocate unhealthy lifestyles or discourage exercise,all this post says is the weight I lost wasn’t  due to the traditional gymming but due to exercise in the form of chores.