I’ve been pondering about drafting this post from the past few days. I mean, I could be all knavish and go on to say, “Oh! Jolly Jelly Beans. Motherhood is the most satisfying thing ever. I’ve just borne a best friend for life. ”
But, no, I wouldn’t indulge in such pettifoggery and mislead you from the things that will change. Well, Forever!!
Here are my 5 most favourite/ unfavourable things:
1. Sleep, will be an ex who you remember with a sad smile:
You really shouldn’t have treated it, with so much ingratitude. How, you used to decide, when you’d wanna sleep or how you would just hit the pillow & call it a day. Remember, those hibernating naps, where you would sleep for 12-13 hours straight? Good ole days😢😢 Now, your baby decides when you sleep or rather, when he wants to sleep. If you thought, you were a free spirit not bound by rules. Then, you oughta see your baby’s feeding whims. He loves surprising Mommy with 4 a.m. cries. Darling! Welcome to the real “Hunger Games “
2. You will never be blessed with peaceful, romantic & carefree dates :
D’oh!! Who said you would ever have a romantic & a carefree date? Let’s say, you filch a few hours from your baby time & hire a babysitter or just plop your baby at the Grandma’s toasty place. You & your partner, have reservations at the restaurant of your dreams. You order your courses & just when you start feeling the vibe. The phone rings!! “Honey! The baby misses you.” & you hear that wail, like a death knell 😢😢 If, it isn’t during the meal, then it surely will be at the time, you guys decide to have a long, breezy drive.
And, if your baby comes along with you.. Then, oh well!! It isn’t a date, is it? Muhahhhahaha 😈😈😒😒
3. Your fancy Gucci, Dior, & MK purses are replaced by Petunia, Storksak & BabyCargo diaper bags:
Gosh! Even those names make me cringe. If, having a baby & his spittle on your shoulder wasn’t enough, now, you need to fashion revamp yourself. Big, floral/block, multi zippered bags filled with diapers, bottom butters, binkys, feed,etc.. is the way of life. Girl!! Your bag, is your identity. It doubles up as, a huge invisible placard that says, ” I’m a new mommy. Don’t mess with me. I’m the human version of Godzilla. I’m grumpy, irritated & exhausted. I need a Gucci more than ever now, but all I get is a diaper bag.”
I feel you girl. Just another 5 years & then you can get your Gucci. Amen!
4. Going to the Bathroom & having a 2 hour luxury soak with rose petals, bath bombs.. Stop!! :
Well, that’s a thingamaflip of history. It’s been 3 years since I had one. Your child, will miraculously need you the most, when you need some luxury time. When you decide, to pamper yourself with some much needed soak, your baby doesn’t think you deserve that. 10 minute showers are the trend these days. Once your baby is a toddler, rest assured that he’s gonna follow you & ask you, “What you doing inside?” atleast a 100 times in 10 minutes.
5. Your shopping hauls will be filled with the cute A/W collection booties, diapers, toys and all that :
Remember, the last time you shopped selfishly just for yourself? Not anymore. It’s shopping haul for the baby too! More shopping goals & more financial oopsies now!
“YOU spent $100 on stupid designer shoes for the baby, which he clearly won’t wear for more than 6 months?”, shouts the husband.
Well, mommy! You’re learning. You’ll get the hang of it. Slowly, you’ll make wise decisions like spending $100 on toys? He won’t outgrow that in 6 months, will he?
Nope!! He’ll get over it, within a span of a week 😱
Now, I have a bonus one for you, Mommy!
6. Your Playlist & Phones will be filled with “Wheels on the bus” kinda songs & “Baby Hazel” games:
Yes! You heard me right! Your playlist will have annoying voices, blaring about “little boy blue, Jack Horner & London Bridge” on the damn loop. Then, your phones will start using those free MB’s to fill it with “Counting, Colouring & ABC” apps. This starts with a necessity to keep your toddler shut at the doctors, then you decide to keep him shut at the restaurant, mall, salon & every other place you take him along.
Well, we all are ninjas on alert. We do need our inventories to be well stocked.
Things will eventually get better and life won’t get back to normal pre baby days, but you’ll learn the art of making this a normalcy. Super proud of all the mommies.
Welcome to motherhood mommy!! Have a great time here.
P.S: All images have been sourced from http://www.google.com & are the sole right of the owner. These are not mine to credit. They have been used only for reference purposes.